17th April 2014

Photo reblogged from Chaotic Kittens with 567,408 notes

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Source: pandaaamonium14

17th April 2014

Post reblogged from Just Me I Guess with 1 note

ravioliwings:

Read More

17th April 2014

Post reblogged from The road so far with 76,894 notes

unbadger:

senpaidave:

[AGGRESSIVELY ATTEMPTS TO GO TO BED]

Source: senpaidave

17th April 2014

Chat reblogged from Onii-chan, I love you ♡ ~ with 560,729 notes

  • A. WHY MY LAST RELATIONSHIP ENDED.
  • B. FAVORITE BAND.
  • C. WHO I LIKE AND WHY I LIKE THEM.
  • D. HARDEST THING I’VE EVER BEEN THROUGH.
  • E. MY BEST FRIEND.
  • F. MY FAVOURITE MOVIE.
  • G. SEXUAL ORIENTATION.
  • H. DO I SMOKE/DRINK?
  • I. HAVE ANY TATTOOS OR PIERCINGS?
  • J. WHAT I WANT TO BE WHEN I GET OLDER.
  • K. RELATIONSHIP WITH MY PARENTS.
  • L. ONE OF MY INSECURITIES.
  • M. VIRGIN OR NOT?
  • N. FAVOURITE PLACE TO SHOP AT?
  • O. MY EYE COLOUR.
  • P. WHY I HATE SCHOOL.
  • Q. RELATIONSHIP STATUS AS OF RIGHT NOW.
  • R. FAVOURITE SONG AT THE MOMENT.
  • S. A RANDOM FACT ABOUT MYSELF.
  • T. AGE I GET MISTAKEN FOR.
  • U. WHERE I WANT TO BE RIGHT NOW.
  • V. LAST TIME I CRIED.
  • W. CONCERTS I’VE BEEN TO.
  • X. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF (…)?
  • Y. DO YOU WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE.
  • Z. HOW ARE YOU?

Source: daw-n

17th April 2014

Post reblogged from Peace out like a trout with 20,885 notes

vintagefuckup:

in case you haven’t heard this today:

  • you’re amazing
  • you’re cute
  • your smile is beautiful
  • you’re beautiful
  • you’re loved
  • you deserve to live
  • you’re strong
  • you can do this

and i am so fucking proud of you for still being here

Source: vintagefuckup

17th April 2014

Quote reblogged from Weep 'ore his halls ; with 5,517 notes

Look, the Pie!
— Ancient proverb for defusing tense family situations (via ldyiamartin)

Source: shakeitallout

17th April 2014

Photo reblogged from These Times Shall Pass with 5,363 notes

Source: the-personal-quotes

17th April 2014

Post reblogged from Raggedy Man Goodnight with 544,849 notes

100% sure im ugly as hell and yet I still expect to be in a relationship with a hot person

17th April 2014

Photoset reblogged from 死神の最終の辞 with 4,269 notes

sizvideos:

Dachshund Vs. Penguin - Video

Source: sizvideos

17th April 2014

Post reblogged from This is Japanese Lunchtime Rush! with 24,930 notes

bruhcardi:

when u take off ur iphone case and it feels like ur holding a newborn

Source: bruhcardi

17th April 2014

Photo reblogged from give me love. with 9,309 notes

Source: rainyroad

17th April 2014

Photoset reblogged from "TED! Just....okay?" with 166,997 notes

Source: obsessedwiththeroyals

17th April 2014

Photoset reblogged from Give a Punk a Chance with 128,773 notes

forwardtozion:

knatalie:

#she terrifies men because she forces them into their true shapes #she is the sea there is no room for pretense in her #she will not allow anyone to render her less than what she is #she will not allow others to be anything than what they are #barbossa is a corpse and davy jones is nothing more than shell and bone and ruin dredged up from the ocean floor #’calypso’ is greek for ‘to conceal to hide’ and that is her root#she is the truth waiting to devour you from beneath

I’ve been waiting to see Calypso on my dash.

Source: hangthecode

17th April 2014

Photo reblogged from with 1,830 notes

allmonds:

Facebook is important and it needs to be protected at all costs

allmonds:

Facebook is important and it needs to be protected at all costs

Source: allmonds

17th April 2014

Photo reblogged from Los Defendores del Fandom with 48,939 notes

damnthatswhack:

This is mesmerizing

damnthatswhack:

This is mesmerizing

Source: ForGIFs.com